Ask away.

It's kind of strange how God works sometimes.
I mean on some things I pray for, it literally takes MONTHS even years for me to see the result of God's action. Sometimes, I never see those prayers answered.
And then there are some prayers that literally get answered within a day.
That's been happening a ton lately! It's really quite exciting when you have so much assurance on the power of prayer. I feel like I could literally ask God for anything (with the right motives of course) and it would be given to me. I mean there's scripture that states that, but my prayers have never felt more powerful.
Just last night, I ended up opening up to two staff members on the team about the season of restoration God was taking me through, and their advice to me was basically to find a mentor/accountability partner.
Well yeah, I already knew that. But unfortunately my mentor and accountability partners are thousands of miles away. The two staff members encouraged me to find someone (a mentor or accountability partner) here in South Africa while I am here, and while I plan on doing that, I just silently begged God to do SOMETHING. You ever have those moments, when you try to puzzle out a solution on your own, come to the conclusion that there is no easy solution, so you revert to just asking God to do SOMETHING? Well, I didn't see a mentor here I could count on quite yet, and my own mentor and partners are miles away, so I really didn't have a solution for right now.
Yeah, the next morning, I got a message from my mentor asking if we could skype soon. God, that was literally less than a day. Why do you spoil me?
And if that wasn't cool enough (although it might not sound cool to anyone but me), I was having a conversation this afternoon with my roommate about some concerns I was having amongst the team. I kinda thought that people on my team had a misconception of where I was in my relationship with Jesus. As if they thought I was a shallow Christian, or a new one.
We were sharing prayer requests. My request was to reach a new level of honesty with God. And I got asked: So you're kind of starting a relationship with Jesus? Ouch. I've had a relationship with Jesus. I'm not starting one...
So Idk, I kind of had this lie in my head that all the people I look up to most on this team thought downwardly on me, as if I lack the experience I know I have or that I was "young."
But then, just this EVENING, one of the staff members asked me if I wanted to learn how to drive here. And she said once I learn I could use the JAM vehicles to go into town, or help drive to outreaches and ministry sites. Only staff members drive.
And in that gesture, Jesus settled a bunch of doubts about my teammates. And while I'm still working on it, I don't feel as much like I'm looked at as "young." Jesus, that was literally just a few hours you answered that one. What next? Tell me what to pray for and I will. Tell me what to ask for, Jesus, and I will ask.
I kind of feel like when I go through periods where I can physically see all of my prayers being answered that I should share that power with everyone else around me. It's that mentality of: I have power over this earth. Things I ask for are happening, and I know everyone has needs so if Jesus is answering mine when I ask, maybe He will also answer everyone else's if I ask.
It kind of makes me think. What else could I have received, or others around me could receive if I had only asked?

The Goat Team Climbs Lion's Head

Every aspect of being on a ministry team is exhausting, fluctuating, and exhilarating.
I mean every day seems to hold the full spectrum of human emotion and challenge.
Just today, the team was pushed emotionally, spiritually, and especially physically.
We decided to climb a mountain.
I mean why not right?
So after waking up at 7 am, grabbing breakfast, doing a book study on spiritual leadership (yeah that stuff is heavy) and hitting the road, we were at Lion's Head by 10.
There were six phases to this mountain.
1. This Incline Is So Steep I'm Walking Vertically
2. Staircase of Hell
3. I'm So Close to the Top I Can Taste It
4. I'm an Actual Explorer Because I'm Rock Climbing on Real Rocks
5. You Weren't Actually That Close Before
6. Oh Thank You Jesus, We Made It
The worst phase was definitely phase one. I thought I was going to die. The incline spirals around the base of the mountain so on the first stretch; I decided to RUN up it. Have you ever tried to run up a mountain? Yeah, It doesn't really work. I keeled over about 50 yards in. This was what they think is "team bonding." Yeah, maybe for a team of goats.
Actually though, I loved hiking that mountain. The cool part about it was A) we actually got to CLIMB instead of just hike and I felt like a legit explorer/adventure. I got a new nickname: Laura The Explorer. B) Every part of that mountain was metaphorical for our walk with Jesus.
As I walked up I thought about God's strength in His creation. That every muscle working to allow me to climb, my lungs that consistently filled me with air, my heart that I occasionally stopped to listen to the beat of, my feet that were just small enough to use the rocks as a grip, but big enough to give me a steady platform to jump — all of these things were by His design and by His strength they work.
I thought about each individual rock and how this MIGHTY mountain is really just made up of a huge pile of smaller rocks. It's kind of like the body of Christ. It's a HUGE spiritual mountain, but it's just made up of all of these small rocks — people.
And lastly, I thought about Jesus. How the last time He climbed a mountain, He was climbing to His death, and He KNEW that, yet He kept climbing. I thought our climb was hard. I can't imagine doing that while also carrying a cross AND my skin has been practically torn off from previous beatings while also hearing people spit insults at me from the sidelines. Sho God! How you continually amaze me the deeper I look into things.

The difference between short and long term missions.

It kind of hit me yesterday that there are two different mindsets that come with two different types of missions.
There's short short term missions. I've been on a few of those, one to Haiti, one to South Africa, one to Colorado I guess (but that one was more about the missions you can find along the way, rather than the missions you must do at your destination).
Then, there are long term missions. Ones like the one I am on now, where you stay in a place for over six months, living in the community, and discipling continuously.
Not that either mindset is better or worse than the other, but I never realized there was a difference until now.
It's kind of hard to explain until you've experienced both scenarios.
But when I went on all my short term missions, I poured out as much love as I could on each kid and person I came in contact with. We played together and sang together and worshiped and prayed, etc. I keep thinking of Haiti and our community there. Every day we went, we would take all the kids to the park and play ball with them or duck, duck, goose, or tag or something. It was a blast, until I realized how out of shape I was and continually had to stop and catch my breath while the Haitian kids just kept truckin. Needless to say, I always lost.
I mean, you get familiar with their faces and you might even remember their names. My kiddos of the week in Haiti were Macy, Nixon, Nicholas and June. It's been almost two months, and I still remember their names. They were the first to greet me every day and the ones I felt most connected with. But it's different.
Because on a short term mission you have the understanding that you won't probably see these kids again. You can go and have your fun, pour out, get emotional over their situation for awhile, pray for them for awhile, and then go home.
In long term missions, there's really nothing that glorious about it. Because you don't go home at the end of the day. You become a part of their story. You don't get emotional over there situation for a while. And you don't pray for them for a while. You fight for their freedom and pray for their protection CONSTANTLY.
Yesterday, we went to Sir Lowry's, which is a township about two hours away from our base. We go every Wednesday to do ministry there with the kids. At first, my mindset was exactly what it was in Haiti — go, play with the kids, love on them, maybe learn a name, go home.
See the big difference is you don't really care WHICH kid you love, they're all the same (at least that was my mind set). They all need love right?
But then, as the day went on, I watched the JAM staff members very closely. (I always watch them, because I always learn from them the most when they think no one is watching.)
I saw how Tessa would greet a few of them by name. She had a relationship with them it seemed. I watched Ashley especially, since kids ministry seems to be her calling or at least a gifting God has given her. She had kids I could TELL she was closer with than others. She knew their families and asked them for updates on things they had been previously talking about the weeks prior. She knew which ones would misbehave. She knew how to respond to this one when she does this, or that one when he does that.
And eventually, I began to see this as a MINISTRY and not a mission. It began to look a lot like discipleship I've seen happen at home actually.
And when I went home, all night, I couldn't get any sleep because I just kept picturing this little girl's face. I've no idea what her name was even. But from the moment I got there, she clung to me. She spotted me among the visitors, reached out her hand and I pretty much held it the whole time. She couldn't have been older than three but she was cute as a button in her bright lime green jacket and pink rainboots. She kept her hood up the whole time and would rarely smile, but when she did, it was so magnetic, she probably could have asked me anything and I would have given it to her.
And I mean, these kind of things happened in Haiti too, and in South Africa when I came last time. These kinds of things HAPPEN on short mission trips; I'm not saying they don't or discounting that.
But as I sat there, I realized, I will see her again. And the high schoolers at Cape Academy, and the teenagers at IY, I will see them again.
I think we have a tendency on short term missions to subconsciously categorize the people on those mission fields as something different than ourselves. How many times have I heard people say, "But in America," or "But in Haiti." We have this false pretense that kids here are different than us. I don't think we mean to, but we have this elitist attitude of "we are doing so much for them." When a team comes in and plays with a bunch of kids, we go home at the end of the day feeling so uplifted and proud of ourselves. I know I did. I left Haiti with the mindset of "Wow, thanks God for using me. Good work today!"
But here in a long term missions field, it's more about INVESTMENT. These kids aren't just faces and blips on my life timeline. And in order to feel proud of ourselves or of God, we actually have to see REAL lifechange. These kids are my investment of the kingdom. I have X amount of influence and X amount of love that I can give out before I need refilled. I invest that influence. I invest that love in those I think I can most push.
On a short term mission field, you love everyone. It doesn't matter who the kid is, you love on them. That's an awesome attitude to have, but it's different than now.
Now, in a long term mission field, you love one the way you WISH you could love everyone. Because the fact of the matter is, quantity is not going to save or even affect anyone. Quality is. When you have more time, it's a better tactic to pick a few kids, a few students who you KNOW God has sent to you and you KNOW you can disciple. Yes, we are called to love everyone equally, and I'm not saying that we don't. We do. JAM loves every kid they come in contact with. But I know that everyone on the team, everyone on the staff has certain kids, certain students that they spend more time with. They invest in them more than the others, not out of favoritism, but because God has brought them to us, and ultimately, if we want to impact a community, the best way to do that is to invest in those in the community who can make an impact.
So yeah, that's been God's lesson of the day yesterday.

I jump off a cannon. Woot.

Ok, disclaimer. For those of you who aren't used to how I interact with God, it's kind of strange. He does things that I can't really explain and 80% of the world probably wouldn't believe. Anywho, we had kind of a weird little encounter two days ago, me and God.

It was Saturday. Hike day. All week I had been excited to go hiking with the gang (gang being Tessa, Daniel, Xandra, Dereck and Debi). I had even took the liberty to boil eggs the night before and get a breakfast packed. (btw, the eggs turned out gross because I didn't boil them all the way) I set my alarm for 7 so I could be ready by 7:45 to leave. Yeah, that didn't happen.

My alarm went off at 7, and I had almost a perfect reenactment of waking up for school. Alarm goes off. Grunt. Turn alarm off. Roll over. Too bad about the hiking, maybe I'll go next Saturday. It's just as well though, because I suppose God had other plans.

About an hour later, around 8, I woke up. And it wasn't one of those gradual wake ups you do when you're on a lazy day (although it WAS a lazy day). I literally sprung out of bed like a jack in the box. It was kind of like an army wake up call, when your commander struts through the doors and immediately starts barking orders. You SPRINT out of that bed. The first thing I heard was: "Go to the cannon."
Sorry. Come again?
It is 8 in the morning.

* Side note: The JAM base, before JAM owned it, was actually a military base. The South African government was afraid that World War 2 would find its way to South Africa, so as precautionary measures, they built this base overlooking the ocean. Around the base, there are two HUGE cannons. The kind you can climb in and maybe even live in. The base of the cannon is about two stories tall and as big as my living room. And the actually tube part of the cannon is about 35 feet long. The funny part is, they never actually used either one. Regardless, if you climb on top of the base of the cannon, you can get the most gorgeous view. Here's a diagram of the cannon! *

God, I do not want to put real clothes on today.
Plus, it's like a 15 minute walk, and can't we just talk here? Why do you want me to go all the way to the cannon just to talk to me?
Still, he was adamant. Whatcha gonna do? So, I reluctantly changed out of my PJ's, and headed toward the A side of the base where one of the cannons were.
When I got there, I climbed up the rusty ladder, ready to give God a piece of my mind when I reached the top.
"Ok God, what do you want?" I shouted. You see, one of the benefits of being on the mountain is that you can be as loud as you want. Also, I think a lot of us completely miss the verbal communication aspect of our relationship with God. Sure, He knows your thoughts, but don't you think He actually wants to hear your voice when you speak to Him from time to time?
I stepped to the ledge of the base and saw the tube of the cannon, a good 5-6 feet below me.
"Jump," I heard Him say.
God are you crazy?
1. It's like a 5 foot drop, almost as tall as I am.
2. It's kind of narrow so I don't have much of landing pad.
3. It's a cylinder, if I miss step either to my right or left, I'll roll right off.
"No, God."
"Jump."
"No."
Silence.
"Lord, why must you test me?"
To which He replied: "Laura, I am your teacher. For the same reason your earthly teachers must test you, so must your heavenly teacher."
He wanted to see my progress in faith. Actually, I think He wanted ME to see my progress in faith. It's kind of like when He asked Peter three times. "Peter, do you love me?" I don't think He was asking that of Peter so He could hear Peter's answer. He already knew Peter's answer. He wanted Peter to be sure of himself. To understand how their relationship had developed and that it had gone from a "Phileo" kind of love to an "Agope" kind of love.

*Side note: In greek, Phileo is a word that means brotherly kind of love. Or like a close friend. Agope is the kind of love that is unconditional and sacrificial. Like God's love for us. I learned that from Scott Courtney, one of the best pastors I've ever been blessed enough to know *

However, I still couldn't get myself to jump. I mean, it's a long fall! And I had no cell phone. If I got hurt or something, or broke my leg, how was I supposed to tell anyone? I was by myself on a mountain. Not many people pass by, if ever.
Then He said: "To fly, you must learn how to fall. And then know, that it is MY wings that will take you the rest of the way."
He continued to poor encouragement into me, until eventually, I jumped. Yeah, I know. Practicality would say "That's so Stupid!" I mean, no communication. On the surface, there's really no gain in jumping off a cannon. I could have broken my leg. etc. etc. etc. God doesn't really care about reason.
But, half a second later, I landed square on the tube completely unharmed.
I know it's silly. But that's exactly what I needed to measure where I was in my faith. I'm still a bit hesitant, but I know, when it comes down to it, if God asks me to jump, I will.

The man in the loincloth gets it right. Go Tarzan.

It's starting to feel like home here.  

Every day, I think about my real home a little bit less. I think about my family a little bit less. And I get a little bit more excited about crawling into "my bed" every night even if it is just a sleeping bag on an old mattress that sometimes has worms in it. 

Of course I still think about my families back home often and miss them. Like this evening, the JAM team went out for put put golf which is something mom, Kristyn and I do occasionally as a family activity. With every put that bounced off a wall and into the water, I thought more and more of my sister, who is not always the best put put golfer (as am I) but would get so comically frustrated when the ball wouldn't go in the silly hole. Come to think of it, this might have been my first mini golf experience without my mom, sister or dad there. That's weird. I need to get out more. 

 Also, as I start ACTUALLY working, I'm having to use my inDesign and Photoshop programs which just is a constant reminder of my yerd family in 151 and all those frustratingly wonderful hours we would spend on those same programs. Sometimes, I'll even look to my right as if Maddie Anderson will still be sitting at the computer next to me. I wonder how they are doing...

 And just the other day, Ashley came to the base wearing this perfume (or maybe it was soap?) and all dressed up, and I thought: There's only one other person I know who could possibly look and smell nice on a mountain in South Africa — Allyson Day. Oh! And Ashley is also a dog fanatic. And every time I see her get excited about a nearby dog, I can't help but think of Libby. :)

And my roommate, Xandra,  reminds me a great deal of my best friend, Alyssa. Just getting to know her story, they seem to be so similar, although no one can replace Alyssa.

I mean, the fact that I'm on the other side of ministry now is a constant reminder of Becca, Scott and Aaron. I feel like I'm always asking myself — did Becca struggle with this? How do the westside student ministry team do that? Are these also the challenges that they have to deal with? What were some of the things they did in this situation? I find myself retelling Becca stories in my head of different things she's dealt with and overcome in ministry. They might be the most helpful thing in this process. 

So yes, there are triggers. And I still find myself longing for the beautiful faces of my beloved family members. However, like I said, I no longer obsess over the distance between us and I am starting to embrace THIS as my home now.

The smell of mince cooking in the kitchen, a late night scrambled eggs snack, the sunset over the cannon and the ocean beyond that, the crammed Avanza that has a ghetto third row of seats, the stashes of hot chocolate I brought from home and hide so no one eats them, the sound of Tessa laughing or the whack of a pool stick hitting the cue ball — that is home. Well, it's becoming that. The longer I spend here, the more it grows, and the more it feels like I belong here. Prudie and Phumla even have me saying "Sho" and "Eish, babba" already. 

I'm learning how to cook and do laundry and actually be a part of the house. And while I still don't know my teammates and roommates ALL that well yet, they are starting to feel like they belong in my life. Like when I wake up in the morning or sit down for breakfast, they need to be there otherwise it just wouldn't feel right. I guess that's a good word for where I'm at now. Right. It feels right. God really does know what He's doing.

You know, Phil Collins hits the money right on the mark in Tarzan during the title scene where he's swinging in his loincloth. The song goes:

"Put your faith in what you most believe in.

Two worlds, One Family." 

That's kind of what this is. In the kingdom, there is only one family, one body. And even though I am miles from home, I'm still home. How cool is that? I'm still trying to puzzle out how that is possible. So stay tuned. Haha. I might come up with a deep reflection on that answer, I don't know.

 

 

 

  

Don't forget the prize

Even in ministry, sometimes I think it's hard to remember the prize. Our team spends a few hours each week planning how we're going to bring Jesus to our communities and to our students and kids, and yet sometimes I myself completely forget all about Jesus.
Today, Xandra and I had a great conversation about theology. I, being a charismatic, have strong beliefs about how the spirit works and who the spirit is. Her, being more conservative, has never really experience much of the spirit or the spiritual realm but knows almost every bible story there is to know. It wasn't a hostile debate at all, just a warm conversation where we explored who god is together.
But, it wasn't until after going to Hout Bay playground that I started to reconsider that nothing we were talking about really mattered. Yes, the spirit matters. Yes, His works matter. Yes, it's good to talk about God. But if you lose God in the process, it doesn't matter.
When we arrived on the playground and all these kids from the community fought each other just for our attention, it no longer mattered how I interpret the bible versus someone else, or even how we do ministry. The only thing that mattered was Jesus and his people. Before us, I saw kids who desperately needed Jesus. It was our job to bring Him to them. Period. End of story. Case closed. That's Christianity. Simple as that.
A friend of ours today was talking to me about callings and God and all kinds of cool things. But one thing he told me was that all of us have one calling that is the same for each person. We are supposed to look like Jesus in this world. That is our calling.
It's kind of funny that I'm surrounded by "faith" type things ALL the time because I'm in ministry, but sometimes we all completely miss the one thing we're all supposed to be fighting for.
Basically, I love those Hout Bay kids and I can't wait to love on them again and show them who Jesus is.

JAM Anthem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TOOXRpn8w

This song is the anthem of JAM this summer. As a ministry, I would say that is exactly our focus: Heaven come down. Spirit come down. We want to see your kingdom here.

Listen to the words. They are so great!