It was Saturday. Hike day. All week I had been excited to go hiking with the gang (gang being Tessa, Daniel, Xandra, Dereck and Debi). I had even took the liberty to boil eggs the night before and get a breakfast packed. (btw, the eggs turned out gross because I didn't boil them all the way) I set my alarm for 7 so I could be ready by 7:45 to leave. Yeah, that didn't happen.
My alarm went off at 7, and I had almost a perfect reenactment of waking up for school. Alarm goes off. Grunt. Turn alarm off. Roll over. Too bad about the hiking, maybe I'll go next Saturday. It's just as well though, because I suppose God had other plans.
About an hour later, around 8, I woke up. And it wasn't one of those gradual wake ups you do when you're on a lazy day (although it WAS a lazy day). I literally sprung out of bed like a jack in the box. It was kind of like an army wake up call, when your commander struts through the doors and immediately starts barking orders. You SPRINT out of that bed. The first thing I heard was: "Go to the cannon."
Sorry. Come again?
It is 8 in the morning.
* Side note: The JAM base, before JAM owned it, was actually a military base. The South African government was afraid that World War 2 would find its way to South Africa, so as precautionary measures, they built this base overlooking the ocean. Around the base, there are two HUGE cannons. The kind you can climb in and maybe even live in. The base of the cannon is about two stories tall and as big as my living room. And the actually tube part of the cannon is about 35 feet long. The funny part is, they never actually used either one. Regardless, if you climb on top of the base of the cannon, you can get the most gorgeous view. Here's a diagram of the cannon! *
Plus, it's like a 15 minute walk, and can't we just talk here? Why do you want me to go all the way to the cannon just to talk to me?
Still, he was adamant. Whatcha gonna do? So, I reluctantly changed out of my PJ's, and headed toward the A side of the base where one of the cannons were.
When I got there, I climbed up the rusty ladder, ready to give God a piece of my mind when I reached the top.
"Ok God, what do you want?" I shouted. You see, one of the benefits of being on the mountain is that you can be as loud as you want. Also, I think a lot of us completely miss the verbal communication aspect of our relationship with God. Sure, He knows your thoughts, but don't you think He actually wants to hear your voice when you speak to Him from time to time?
I stepped to the ledge of the base and saw the tube of the cannon, a good 5-6 feet below me.
"Jump," I heard Him say.
God are you crazy?
1. It's like a 5 foot drop, almost as tall as I am.
2. It's kind of narrow so I don't have much of landing pad.
3. It's a cylinder, if I miss step either to my right or left, I'll roll right off.
"No, God."
"Jump."
"No."
Silence.
"Lord, why must you test me?"
To which He replied: "Laura, I am your teacher. For the same reason your earthly teachers must test you, so must your heavenly teacher."
He wanted to see my progress in faith. Actually, I think He wanted ME to see my progress in faith. It's kind of like when He asked Peter three times. "Peter, do you love me?" I don't think He was asking that of Peter so He could hear Peter's answer. He already knew Peter's answer. He wanted Peter to be sure of himself. To understand how their relationship had developed and that it had gone from a "Phileo" kind of love to an "Agope" kind of love.
*Side note: In greek, Phileo is a word that means brotherly kind of love. Or like a close friend. Agope is the kind of love that is unconditional and sacrificial. Like God's love for us. I learned that from Scott Courtney, one of the best pastors I've ever been blessed enough to know *
However, I still couldn't get myself to jump. I mean, it's a long fall! And I had no cell phone. If I got hurt or something, or broke my leg, how was I supposed to tell anyone? I was by myself on a mountain. Not many people pass by, if ever.
Then He said: "To fly, you must learn how to fall. And then know, that it is MY wings that will take you the rest of the way."
He continued to poor encouragement into me, until eventually, I jumped. Yeah, I know. Practicality would say "That's so Stupid!" I mean, no communication. On the surface, there's really no gain in jumping off a cannon. I could have broken my leg. etc. etc. etc. God doesn't really care about reason.
But, half a second later, I landed square on the tube completely unharmed.
I know it's silly. But that's exactly what I needed to measure where I was in my faith. I'm still a bit hesitant, but I know, when it comes down to it, if God asks me to jump, I will.
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