I guess I'm a Body part.

I tend to process everything. Every little experience throughout the day, most of the time, I think about, reflect on, and then, think some more about it. My family always said I was a "wise soul." And the other day, I heard a paster talk about wisdom, how it comes from experience. I want to edit that just a bit. I think wisdom comes from EVALUATED experience. Which is why I believe I am a "wise soul" — because I evaluate EVERY experience.

Which is why it kind of caught me off guard this evening when Lisa was asking me questions about my time here that I hadn't yet asked myself. It's funny how God chose to use her in that way to reach conclusions that I had not thought of in my life. She probably would have been the most unlikely person in my head to extract that kind of reflection because I know her the least of all the girls, and often times, I am intimidated by what I don't know.

But I kind of got a better understanding of what I already guessed God was teaching me in this season. I can tell you now, it is a beautiful season, full of challenge, redemption, and renewal. And it comes with a defeat of pride.

So pretty much all my life, the Lord has been training me separately from the body. To be honest, I was quite turned off from Church and Christianity, but I had this relationship with Christ that I didn't even realize was a relationship with Christ. I could hear him talk to me. I could feel his presence before I really even knew relationships with Jesus existed. And He trained me in that. He trained me how to listen to him, how to prophesy, how to obey. All this time, He had been building our relationship separate from a christian community.

In my head, I kind of equate it to the Legend of Korra. When the avatar is discovered in their early stages of life, they are whisked away from the other children and taught the elements of fire, water, earth and air separately from everyone else. And then, when they are ready to lead and fill their role in history, the teachers and masters allow the avatar to re-enter society. (I know, I'm a nerd. If Brooke is reading this, she'll appreciate this part. And so will all the other Avatar: last airbender fanatics)

God kind of did that with me in a way. He taught me away from church, away from christians, away from the body, until I was ready to start my ministry. Guess what time it is in my life. Time to start my ministry. So, in this season, God is showing (forcing) me to re-enter the body. Or rather, acknowledge that I am part of the body. Instead of speaking to me directly, he's using other Christians to communicate with me so that I'm forced to include them on my walk with Jesus and learn how to receive from them.

I never really liked the idea of getting "filled up" by anyone but the father directly. Whenever I got re-energized in my faith, it was never because of a pastor's sermon, or a really good worship session; it was always because of a direct conversation I had had with the father. And now, He's teaching me how to allow people in the body of Christ to fill me up. It's really taking a number on my pride, because I don't like the idea of needing other people. I don't want God to use other people to communicate with me because that means I need them. And I don't want to learn how to go deep with people, because I can already go deep with God. But He's showing me, that if I want to start my ministry and have be successful, I have to learn how to be a part of the body. I have to learn how to go deep with people. I have to learn how to give AND to receive.

This is one of the most beautiful season's I've ever been in. But not one I was expecting.