God's an artist

As much as I love ministry and I like hanging out with the kids in Africa, I think some of my favorite moments on this past outreach were actually the all day car rides. Not because I just love being in a car, because I don't. I get super stir crazy and grumpy when I'm in a car for too long. On our last stretch from Alex to Cape Town (which was a 10 hour drive), I got to the point where I was trying to find a way to use my shirt as a slingshot. I was so bored and so stir crazy and so done with being in a car. BUT, Jesus seems to always know what you need. And this is what our view looked like on our car rides. I didn't even need a deck of cards, or a portable DVD player, or video games, if I got bored, all I had to do was look out the window and at the playground God has already created for us. Sometimes, I still catch myself gaping at the beauty of the Transkei. And then it always makes me curious when I think about the irony. That some of the poorest places in South Africa, like Comsholo, where I spent three days teaching soccer (yeah that was awkward. I don't know how to play soccer) can be the most geographically beautiful places. And then I think about how many people miss this. How many people come to the big cities in this country or the "vacation spots" and completely miss out on the natural beauty of this land because they are unwilling to go where there is not a hot shower and internet.

Defined. In a nutshell.

I figured most of those reading these posts have a busy schedule and while you of course want to keep updated with what is going on here, I thought I'd make it easier and bulletpoint my last week on the Defined Outreach with the Westside team. Basically, westside brought over a team two weeks before I got here and they were doing a soccer mission trip where they would go into communities, coach soccer to the young adults and kids, and then also do devotionals and teach about Jesus through soccer. So the kids would come for the soccer, and they would use soccer as a vessel to teach them about Jesus and to share Jesus with them. The mission trip was called "Defined."


July 23 Tuesday
(I arrived in Durban the previous night and got a beautiful reunion with Ashley and Tessa and Schaun and all sorts of cool people.)
I woke up in the church. It was cold.
I got coffee/breakfast with Ashley, Bridget and Morgan. I got an appletiser; yum. Bridget got cake...
We went back to the church.
Sarah began talking to me about how excited she was that I was there. :) She is so sweet.
AND THEN! BECCA TAPPED ME ON THE SHOULDER!!
*side note: Becca is my mentor and one of my best friends and basically my sister. Love her to death*
REUNION. I hugged her really hard.
Everyone packed in the van. I got stuck in the one row that had to squeeze four people.
We went to Jungle Monkey Backpackers.
There was an optional worship with a local youth group. I went.
It was very spirit lead — worshiped, prayed, read scripture just whenever the spirit lead you to.
Got to pray with the Cosa youth; one american with one youth. My gal had the brightest smile. 16 years old. Her name was Zandu. She started crying when I prayed over her. She said it was because she was happy. I liked her.
We left. Got pizza.
Some child dancers came. They were good but it upset me.
Afterwards, there was a live band and almost the whole team got up and danced. VERY FUN!
Had some great fellowship with the team. Got a long conversation with Becca! It was the best way to end a great day.


July 24 Wednesday
Left Jungle Monkey.
The team went to the gap — a beautiful place with cliffs off the ocean. It was emotional because it was the spot where Lucia got swept away by the current.
We left for Bambi, where we would be staying for 4 days.
My roommates: Bridget, Lexi, and Prudance. PARTY ROOM!
Had Phat Cook for lunch. That stuff is the bomb diggidy.
We left to get started on the soccer clinics. Our van was making funny noises, so Molly, Thobiso and I had to wait for Schaun to pick us up before we could go to Comsholo.
We get there 2 hours late.
20-30 kids show up. I loved them. All boys between the ages of 12-14.
Molly set up all the drills and ran the practice. I was pretty useless. I don't do soccer.
After it got dark, I lead the devotional with the boys.
The devotional was about strength and where true strength comes from.
We went back. Then, we had a debrief.
Masi, Garreth, Bridget and I had a dance party. I should them the solja boi. (spelling?)
I went to the chapel and had some INTENSE worship. Everyone was singing super loud and praying at the top of their lungs. Total desperation for Jesus and it was beautiful.


July 25 Thursday
The team went to one of the schools.
A fourth of the team acted out an "tick" drama where everyone had ticks. Ticks represented sin. And you could get a free spray to get rid of the ticks. The spray represented Jesus.
The kids worshipped. It was beautiful! Beautiful. Beautiful.
We went back to the base. Ate.
Went to a plot of land where River Of Life will open. River Of Life is a new community center going up.
Then we went to the hospital.
I got to pray over two people. One accepted Jesus on the spot. Very cool.
Thobiso, Molly and I went to Comsholo for another soccer practice.
I lead the devo again.


July 26 Friday
We went to another school.
Did the tick play.
The kids worshipped. EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE FIRST ONE!
Went to the beach.
Alec, Morgan, Aaron and Bridget all got baptized!!! :) It was beautiful.
Becca and I made sand castles. Everyone thought they looked like boobs. :'( I'm not going into a profession of making sand castles.
I climbed across the rocks; saw whales.
Had lunch, and then went to Comsholo again.
We picked a team name: Lion Strikers.
Our boys were getting really excited about the tournament.
Thabiso and Molly and I got scolded for trying to go to KFC. I cried. Several times. Because Schaun is cool. And I don't like disappointing him.
It was a rough night. And I was homesick.


July 27 Saturday
Woke up early. I had kitchen duty.
The team left for Kwadick where the soccer tournament was going to be.
We waited for a few hours for the kids to all come.
Our van flipped with all our boys inside, and the mama. No one was hurt. PRAISE JESUS!
Our boys lost both games. :'(
Tournament was really cool. There were SO MANY people there. We had dinner with everyone and then went back.
I made thank you cards for all the drivers. They were appreciative. :)


July 28 Sunday
Got up early. Packed, cleaned, left.
Arrived in Alexandria.
Unloaded at a bed and breakfast. It was super nice. Felt like a resort.
My roommates: Jordan, Becca, and Morgan. We had such a fun room!
Got to see Steven, Adam and Abby. :)
Had a braii. Yummy yummy!!!
Worship that night was insane!!
Things I received from the Lord during worship:

• God asked why he's not enough for me. 
• He showed me how to want him through a vision
• Got all of my abilities back. :)
• Started getting prophetic things for everyone on the team all at once.
• Heard angles singing.

During worship we were literally singing with angels. :) How cool. Thanks Jesus.
That night in my room was so much fun! Jordan told us bed time stories and I was in a really funny mood. I was filled with joy of the lord. :)


July 29 Monday
Late wake up.
Breakfast.
Pack.
Got To Port Elizabeth.
SAW MADI!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a soccer clinic at the school. It was chaos but Alec was an AMAZING coach. So thankful I got to work with him.
Went to Barnacles for dinner.
Sat by Becca. She was CRACKING ME UP! I feel like our relationship really deepened. :) Very cool feeling!
Went back.
Worshiped.
I cried because I knew the next morning I would have to say goodbye to Becca. And for whatever reason, I couldn't stop thinking about Allyson Day and Libby Flood when I had to say goodbye to them at the church two weeks before.
Then, I heard Becca crying. It was a sad moment.
I tried to have a chat with Madi. But then she had to leave. Oh well, I'll see her again soon!
Went back to the room.
Had a cool conversation with Becca.
Went to bed.


July 30 Tuesday
Today sucked.
Said goodbye to Becca.
Cried.
Then said goodbye to Ashley 9 hours later after a full day in the car. Cried again.
I don't want to talk about it.
Good news: Finally arrived at Apostle!! Got to see where I'm staying and settle in a bit.
Also got to finally read all my westside notes!

And that ladies and gentlemen was the Defined Outreach with the Westside team.

Nanny McPhee Joins Westside Family Church. Weird.

Several years ago, I saw the movie Nanny McPhee. It's quite a good flick if you're in to the magical nanny Mary Poppins kind of movies. But there was one quote in it that I have been quietly pondering all this time. It's not always at the forefront of my mind, but in every goodbye I always come back to it.
"There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."
In the past few weeks I've been mulling it over in my head considerably and I've decided that's a pretty good truth into my own perception of my leaving.
Three nights ago, I had to say goodbye to my small group, my mentors, and my ministry. Tomorrow I leave. And in between then and now, I've said more goodbyes than I can handle.
But as I watched my student ministry's bus pull away Sunday night, I couldn't help but think of Nanny McPhee.
When I first got back from Africa last summer, I started on this brand new journey. Most of it can all be summed up inside of the Westside student ministry, but there are other characters outside of that of course.
I remember when God first told me to go to Westside, not even a few days after I'd gotten back. I was so pissed at Him, because I was content at the church I was at (even though I didn't go that often) and I had heard horrible things about it.
Nonetheless, He told me "Laura, jump in. There's work to be done."
Stepping in to the ministry for the first time was rough. I wouldn't say I was necessarily met with open arms. Not because they weren't friendly, but because it's easy to get lost among the faces in a ministry that big.
They needed me at that point, or maybe it's more of me needing them. Probably both. God made me to be a catalyst for the growth of that ministry. He had a plan and a direction He wanted to take it. And He sent me (without me knowing it) to build up the leaders who could take it there, and also to start pushing the wagon on the road He had destined for it. And in return, that ministry was a catalyst for me as well, preparing me for my next journey in rapid speed.
And now, as I watched the faces I loved roll out of the Westside parking lot in a Charter bus, I realized the truth in Nanny McPhee.
One year later, I loved this ministry more than anything, and the people in it. I wanted them. More than anything. But I did not need them. And they wanted me, I'm sure of it. But they no longer needed me. Therefore, it was time for me to leave.
It's kind of that feeling you get on the last day of a really satisfying family reunion. On the way up, you were dreading it. You spend the weekend, and it turns out to be super great. And then Sunday morning, when you're all packed up, you stick around for a couple extra cups of coffee caught up in the "in between time."
It's that awkward, pleasant and yet sad period of time, when you think about going to work on Monday. You think about the fact that life keeps going. But at the same time, you're content right now just drinkin' a cup of Jo with the family, spending time well wasted.
My work is a lot like Nanny McPhee's. God sends to the places and people I'm not comfortable with. But either they need me, or I need them. And then, when I get comfortable, it's time to go. There's always work to be done and I'm a firm believer in the idea that we were never meant to be comfortable.
On my last Sunday at Westside, this is part of what the Lord said to me:
"Have confidence in your exit for you have done what I have sent you here to do. I have sent you to prepare my children for me. You were a catalyst. You were what was needed.
This life is not yours or for you. I will send you where there is work and pull you away when it is finished. Get familiar with travel and do not expect a permanent home here; I am your home. You are my general, preparing the way for me. Therefore, you must go to all nations, for my children need to be ready. My Children rise up."
There's a lot of cool stuff in there, but one of the biggest things I took away Sunday morning was that I am exactly like McPhee when it comes to how to the Lord chooses to use me in Kingdom work.
"When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."
Therefore, I am deeply burdened by saying goodbye to the my ministry and my christian brothers and sisters whom I love. But, I have peace in my leaving, and look forward to the work He has prepared for me in my next stop — Cape Town.

Matthew 17:20

I know a lot of times, I might come off as cocky or confident. But truth is, I squirm like a worm under a microscope every time people start complimenting me.
That's gotta be one of the most difficult things about this process — everyone wants to congratulate you, and talk to you about moving, and shake your hand while giving you a hefty pat on the back, as if you've just made the president's inauguration speech for him.
Newsflash: I've literally done nothing. I said yes, and God has quite literally done ALL the work.
I feel like that elementary bully who gets the nerd to make his science fair project for him and then takes all the credit for it.
I know how that story ends.
Spoiler: The volcano blows up in his face because he doesn't know how to work it.
But that's what the past couple of weeks have been like. Don't get me wrong, I love attention and really appreciate all the support. I think I'd go crazy if no one said anything positive about me moving or even asked any questions.
However, people have been coming up to me and saying how much they admire my faith and what an act of faith this move is.
Ok. First of all, if you've never moved to Africa yourself, you don't know how much faith it takes.
Secondly, what faith?!?! I am one of the weakest Christians when it comes to faith. I seriously have none. Jesus wasn't joking when He said: "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Yeah, I have faith about the size of a grain of sand.
I bet I whined and complained to God, and cried to Him and begged Him to change his mind more times than a two year old kid would. Basically, I can be a spiritual baby.
And I get so frustrated with people when they say these things to me, although I know they always mean well. :) But, I just want to shake them until all the loose change slips out of their pockets and their head screws back on. Look around, people.
I have seen more faith in a 16-year-old gal quitting softball — basically giving up her identity — than I have in myself.
I have seen more faith in a friend who works her butt off to get into a good K-state math class.
I have seen more faith in mentor who STILL perseveres in one of the most challenging ministries of all time.
God just gave me a calling that is glorious in the eyes of man, but He does not see with mans eyes. He only sees the attitude of my heart and my soul. Both of which have doubted and been afraid. Now, His grace covers that and his forgiveness follows. But don't be fooled by confidence.
When you compliment me, I will squirm like a worm under a microscope.
Maybe because I know I'm not the one who deserves the praise.
Give credit where credit is due. Not to me, but to Him.

Psalm 46:10

Hello internet world.
Normally, a journal is the most intimate and personal piece of writing anyone can own. So, naturally, while I spend my next year and half in South Africa, I wanted to make my journal public and open to the entire world to see. This blog is all about the documentation of what God does when He calls you, what you can experience by not hanging up, and what kind of people you can connect with by listening to Him.
Exactly one year ago, I found myself caught in the middle of that exact decision. God had been ringing and I needed to decide if I was going to pick up and listen.
For me, I got my first real phone call from Him at an outdoor church near Alexandria, South Africa. I had been in SA for about two weeks by that point and He had already been ringing for the past 14 days. When I first got there, His tug turned my life upside down.
I saw the local people, their contentment and joyous spirit. But what was even more moving to me was my team. I had no idea what real Spirit fire meant before I met them. I mean these people were crazy with their love for the lord, reckless with it even. They would beat the sun up every morning to sing and pray to the God of the universe. They would spend hours every day in devotional and in the Word of God. And their worship! Oh man, you've no idea what their worship was like. I think the whole of heaven opened up to us when we worshiped together.
They would go to dangerous and uncomfortable places physically, spiritually and emotionally without a second thought.
To give you an example, three of my team members, while we were in a community called Bombisana, visited hospitals where they met a boy who had been possessed by a demon. Instead of running from that, or even denying it, they stood in the gap for him and fought the demon with prayer. By the time we left the boy was completely healed.
I didn't even know things like that really existed. I mean, I'd read about it in the bible a few times but that was just the bible. That was years ago.
It only took about 4 days since my arrival in South Africa for the Lord to begin ringing. I got a tug on my heart that maybe, I was supposed to come back once the mission trip was over. I was about to be a senior in high school with just 9 months left before I left for college. Maybe, I wasn't supposed to go to college, but come back here. But that was crazy, and I'm not crazy. So I hit the ignore button on my God phone and continued on with the month long missions trip.
About 13 days later, I received a huge wave of inspiration to write something. Side note: Writing is one of my passions so this was a normal occurrence. I wrote a narration about my team and the kind of impact they had made on me since my arrival in SA.
That evening, during our debrief time, I got the opportunity to read it aloud, something I wasn't planning on doing but happened by sheer coincidence. What I wrote was probably one of the best pieces of writing I had ever written, and it was well received by everyone on our team.
Ironically, after I had read that, our mission paster spoke on callings. He gave three criteria that proved when God was calling you to something. Naturally, I leaned in a little to listen.
The three criteria:
1. You have to have a heart for the people and place He is calling you to. Check.
2. There had to be a need for your skillset. Not checked.
3. Logistics have to line up. No way. This was still crazy to me.
The next morning, we packed up and headed out to Alexandria. Our caravan had three vehicles: two 14 seater vans, and one car that seated 7. The car was almost always occupied by who I call the "important people:" the pastors and leaders of the trip. Therefore, I always rode in the vans. But, this time for some odd reason all the vans were full and I ended up having to ride in the car with the leaders of the organization, JAM, who our church was partnering with for the missions trip.
Somehow, I got to talking with a man named Thinus about the piece I had written the night before. Thinus was really impressed and I began to explain to him that I would love to come back to SA to help JAM, but I was not very good at ministry at the time and didn't think they had a need for my skillset, which was way more mechanical than it was relational.
Thinus began to explain to me that their media and marketing director for JAM was currently doing all the work by herself and had been praying to God for help for quite some time. He said she could really use my writing ability and multimedia experience (I was the editor of my yearbook). At this point I began to rethink picking up the phone for God.
I spent the next couple of days wrestling over the decision in my head: do I pick up the phone and listen to the call God was trying to give me. Or do I continue with the college plan I had had since I was a freshman? I mean, moving to SA is a big deal. My parents would probably not support that. I don't have the money for that. And I already had a school picked out and a plan.
We went to the outdoor church Sunday morning. It was nothing outrageously special or different, but the worship went a bit long. And while we worshiped, God no longer waited for me to answer the phone, He picked it up for me.
I ended up on my knees with my arms outstretched just singing. And in that moment, I heard Him. It was an audible voice that was so loud and so clear, I was immobilized and transformed at the same time. He said only 8 words to me, but it was enough. One encounter from the Lord is all you need to change your life. He said: "Be still and know that I am God."
In that moment I accepted my calling. I was to return to SA the following year to bring the love of God and tell His ongoing story to the people here.
And after I accepted that, everything else fell into place. I picked up an application to work for JAM, and within 2 days of sending it in, they had accepted me. It usually took them weeks to go through the process. On the flight back to Washington DC I was fighting with God over how I was going to pay for it; I made calculations in my head about how many hours I would have to work and at what wage if I was even going to be able to consider it. After doing a ton of math it was still an impossible task and out frustration I yelled to Him, "Father, I'm done. If you want me to go, you're going to have to provide everything."
During our layover between our DC flight and our Kansas City flight, one of my team members explained that they wanted to assist me financially with my calling and that I need not worry about money. That was a fast answer, God.
But, I still hadn't told my parents. What would they think?
The day after I got home, I went to Ruby Tuesdays with my mother. Gently, I began to break the news to her.
My parents are the kind of parents who believe wholeheartedly in education. You do not get to do anything until you finished college. And it was NEVER an option on whether or not my sister or I would go to college. But, to my surprise, my mother began to cry at our table. Through her tears she explained how proud she was of my bravery and my obedience and that she would support me.
A few days later, I did the same thing with my dad. We went to Five Guys and I began to explain to him what I wanted to do instead of college. He explained to me that he would support whatever dream I had.
So, once I picked up the phone, God did the rest of the work.
Now, I'm 17 days away from leaving home for the next year and a half. I'm starting this blog because I want you all to be able to experience the Lord like I will experience the Lord. I want you to come on this journey with me. I want to add you to this call so you can listen to what God is saying too. :)
All I have left to say is: Let the adventure begin.