"There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."
In the past few weeks I've been mulling it over in my head considerably and I've decided that's a pretty good truth into my own perception of my leaving.
Three nights ago, I had to say goodbye to my small group, my mentors, and my ministry. Tomorrow I leave. And in between then and now, I've said more goodbyes than I can handle.
But as I watched my student ministry's bus pull away Sunday night, I couldn't help but think of Nanny McPhee.
When I first got back from Africa last summer, I started on this brand new journey. Most of it can all be summed up inside of the Westside student ministry, but there are other characters outside of that of course.
I remember when God first told me to go to Westside, not even a few days after I'd gotten back. I was so pissed at Him, because I was content at the church I was at (even though I didn't go that often) and I had heard horrible things about it.
Nonetheless, He told me "Laura, jump in. There's work to be done."
Stepping in to the ministry for the first time was rough. I wouldn't say I was necessarily met with open arms. Not because they weren't friendly, but because it's easy to get lost among the faces in a ministry that big.
They needed me at that point, or maybe it's more of me needing them. Probably both. God made me to be a catalyst for the growth of that ministry. He had a plan and a direction He wanted to take it. And He sent me (without me knowing it) to build up the leaders who could take it there, and also to start pushing the wagon on the road He had destined for it. And in return, that ministry was a catalyst for me as well, preparing me for my next journey in rapid speed.
And now, as I watched the faces I loved roll out of the Westside parking lot in a Charter bus, I realized the truth in Nanny McPhee.
One year later, I loved this ministry more than anything, and the people in it. I wanted them. More than anything. But I did not need them. And they wanted me, I'm sure of it. But they no longer needed me. Therefore, it was time for me to leave.
It's kind of that feeling you get on the last day of a really satisfying family reunion. On the way up, you were dreading it. You spend the weekend, and it turns out to be super great. And then Sunday morning, when you're all packed up, you stick around for a couple extra cups of coffee caught up in the "in between time."
It's that awkward, pleasant and yet sad period of time, when you think about going to work on Monday. You think about the fact that life keeps going. But at the same time, you're content right now just drinkin' a cup of Jo with the family, spending time well wasted.
My work is a lot like Nanny McPhee's. God sends to the places and people I'm not comfortable with. But either they need me, or I need them. And then, when I get comfortable, it's time to go. There's always work to be done and I'm a firm believer in the idea that we were never meant to be comfortable.
On my last Sunday at Westside, this is part of what the Lord said to me:
"Have confidence in your exit for you have done what I have sent you here to do. I have sent you to prepare my children for me. You were a catalyst. You were what was needed.
This life is not yours or for you. I will send you where there is work and pull you away when it is finished. Get familiar with travel and do not expect a permanent home here; I am your home. You are my general, preparing the way for me. Therefore, you must go to all nations, for my children need to be ready. My Children rise up."
There's a lot of cool stuff in there, but one of the biggest things I took away Sunday morning was that I am exactly like McPhee when it comes to how to the Lord chooses to use me in Kingdom work.
"When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."
Therefore, I am deeply burdened by saying goodbye to the my ministry and my christian brothers and sisters whom I love. But, I have peace in my leaving, and look forward to the work He has prepared for me in my next stop — Cape Town.
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