Matthew 17:20

I know a lot of times, I might come off as cocky or confident. But truth is, I squirm like a worm under a microscope every time people start complimenting me.
That's gotta be one of the most difficult things about this process — everyone wants to congratulate you, and talk to you about moving, and shake your hand while giving you a hefty pat on the back, as if you've just made the president's inauguration speech for him.
Newsflash: I've literally done nothing. I said yes, and God has quite literally done ALL the work.
I feel like that elementary bully who gets the nerd to make his science fair project for him and then takes all the credit for it.
I know how that story ends.
Spoiler: The volcano blows up in his face because he doesn't know how to work it.
But that's what the past couple of weeks have been like. Don't get me wrong, I love attention and really appreciate all the support. I think I'd go crazy if no one said anything positive about me moving or even asked any questions.
However, people have been coming up to me and saying how much they admire my faith and what an act of faith this move is.
Ok. First of all, if you've never moved to Africa yourself, you don't know how much faith it takes.
Secondly, what faith?!?! I am one of the weakest Christians when it comes to faith. I seriously have none. Jesus wasn't joking when He said: "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Yeah, I have faith about the size of a grain of sand.
I bet I whined and complained to God, and cried to Him and begged Him to change his mind more times than a two year old kid would. Basically, I can be a spiritual baby.
And I get so frustrated with people when they say these things to me, although I know they always mean well. :) But, I just want to shake them until all the loose change slips out of their pockets and their head screws back on. Look around, people.
I have seen more faith in a 16-year-old gal quitting softball — basically giving up her identity — than I have in myself.
I have seen more faith in a friend who works her butt off to get into a good K-state math class.
I have seen more faith in mentor who STILL perseveres in one of the most challenging ministries of all time.
God just gave me a calling that is glorious in the eyes of man, but He does not see with mans eyes. He only sees the attitude of my heart and my soul. Both of which have doubted and been afraid. Now, His grace covers that and his forgiveness follows. But don't be fooled by confidence.
When you compliment me, I will squirm like a worm under a microscope.
Maybe because I know I'm not the one who deserves the praise.
Give credit where credit is due. Not to me, but to Him.