I get naked!

We were born naked. We should probably do our best to stay that way.

I'm not talking about going crazy, stripping to our panties and boxers and streaking through the streets. That would be insane. And uncomfortable. And hard to explain to my parents. I'm talking about when you completely strip yourself before God and others and leave yourself vulnerable for whatever judgments, affirmations, rejections and opinions that may come. 

We started reading this book. It's called "In the Name of Jesus" by Henri J.M. Nouwen.

Let me just tell you, holy shit. That book is throwing me for a loop.

It's really forcing me to see that I am consumed and dictated by wanting to feel relevant, important, loved. I want credit where credit is due. I want to be recognized. I want to be successful.

I mean think about it. How many of you out there can honestly say that if you work your ass off for something, and then a coworker you hate gets all the credit for it, you wouldn't be just a little bit pissed. 

That didn't happen to me. I'm just saying, this book (and the bible for that matter) teaches us that we should work our butts off, doing everything we can for Him and the kingdom and NEVER care who gets the credit. Crazy stuff right?

The book says:

"I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self."

Wow really? 

I got some work to do in my character. 

I mean I'm discovering that when I feel insecure I tend to hang on to accomplishments and skills. 

Like when I run into an old rival who is now super successful, I tend to comfort my mind by saying things like: "It's not that big of a deal. You're still saving the world in Africa." or "You're an amazing writer; they surely can't compare with you in that." 

It's ridiculous friends! Truly ridiculous! I'm ridiculous. I probably am not really that pompous when I talk to myself but I needed a good example. But seriously, the bible teaches us that all of our security, our anchor is in Jesus. It also teaches us that we are completely incompetent! Like 1 Corinthians 1 says:

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong ... Therefore, let the one who boasts, boast in the lord."

I hate admitting that I'm really not competent in anything. I hate giving up my competitive edge and desire to be the best, to earn the best, and to be loved more than the rest. I want to look impressive. Always.

But the one whom Jesus loves and favors is the one who is completely ok with never getting noticed.

I mean, when it comes down to it, it's just going to be you and Him up there right? 

I'm working on it. I'm working on trying to be completely selfless in everything I do. I'm working on not being jealous of my teammates when they get attention or do something better than me. I'm working on being irrelevant. I'm working on being naked before God and others.